Food Friday: Cooking With Family

You can't have enough cooks in the kitchen. 

I reflect back on having kids, now that all mine are grown and I have become a grandmother. One of the most gratifying family times for me has been cooking with my kids and their friends. I think I stumbled upon this as an awesome parenting strategy. It turns out that it gives you time to talk. Because it also keeps you occupied, it helps to keeps the tone light.

Cooking a meal teaches everyone tolerance, though slowly. It promotes cooperation, planning, safety skills... the list goes on. It settles people's energy back on the home life and shows how much fun you can have together. I cannot recommend it enough. 

Start early and be relaxed about messes. Having said that, don't be afraid to teach kids to tidy up before beginning to cook; The French call it  "Mise en Place", or to put in place. Likewise, don't be afraid to teach them enthusiasm in cleaning up. And in this matter, lead by example. And to help yourself, have a great collection of cookbooks or Pinterest Pins at the ready for inspiration. 

For a great guide on age appropriate cooking activities, click HERE. This is from Rutger's, entitled "Cooking Brings Kids and Families Together".

Cornell Cooperative Extension has a great article HERE, titled "Cooking Together as a Family has Multiple Rewards". 

And from WebMD, "Cooking With Your Children" HERE. 

Here are some books on the subject: 

"Cooking Time Is Family Time: Cooking Together, Eating Together, and Spending Time Together", by Lynn Fredericks 

"The Table Comes First, Family, France and the Meaning of Food", by Adam Gopnik

And here are some fun blog posts on the subject: 

The Kitchn

Playground Dad

Toca Boca

It's fun to start in the kitchen with small children. But the good news is, it's even more fun when your kids have grown.

Bon Appetite!

Structure Sunday: The Structure of Family

So much has changed in six weeks. Grandpa passed. His memorial brought a tide of family and friends together. And now our daughter  has delivered a baby girl named Emery Helena. 

Those tasks once reserved for adults have passed to those who still to my eye look like children. Our roles have changed and our titles have too. This morning I heard a call for grandpa, which sounded out of place, on account of his passing,  until I realized they were calling my husband. Mom, which was reserved for me, has passed to my daughter and I am becoming grandma. 

My exact title is still under discussion. I've been working a lot on labor and delivery lately, and the nurses are trying out different versions of grandma,  seeing which ones fit, and which ones will stick. 

I would like to think this is because I do not seem exactly like a grandma.   I think this is true for many women in my situation. Our culture has evolved in such a way as to allow women of my age to continue very active lifestyles. Many fifty something's are much healthier than their counterparts from decades past. The way we can live and the roles we can play at any given age are not nearly as limited as in the past. Perhaps we live less by convention or stereotype than in days gone by. 

That said, a grandmother is still a grandmother and she has a role to play. I and all the other members of my family, seem to have eased into our various new roles without much deliberation, just some common sense. However I would like to give my new role some thought in that I'd like to be a grandmother for the new age. I'd like to teach my granddaughter to code, and I'd  like to go to Zumba with her and my daughter. I'd like to keep what's good from grandmothers past while augmenting it for the present day. I'd like to be grandmother 2.0. 

Structure Sunday: The Structure of a Family Road Trip

Family road trips are traditionally fraught with stress. But yours doesn't have to be. The road trip season is upon us and you will want to prepare.

irst of all let the kids in on the plan. Get them involved in the preparations. It won't hurt them a bit to learn the organizational skills necessary for a small vacation. In fact you can delegate age appropriate chores to kids from 5 To 95 and that will make everyone all the more engaged. 

• Pick a destination. 
• Pick a route. 
• Research attractions along the route and at the destination. 
• Make sure everyone gets some say on the activities.
• Go over the fine art of packing light and packing layers. 
• Make sure everyone has a duffle and a backpack of their own.
• Choose some activities for traveling. Choose a mix of electronic and paper content. 
• Choose a mixture of packed food and culinary stops along the way. 
• Always plan for minor illness and inclement weather. 
• Plan your stops if there is any question of availability of lodging. 
• Encourage each traveller to document the trip in their own way, i.e. Diary, sketchbook, iPhone, camera, etc. 
• Confirm you have necessary charging and connectivity cords, batteries, etc. 
• As the trip leader, personally confirm the travel arrangements from the condition of your car to the AAA membership.  

What could go wrong? : ) We ourselves are on the road heading down to Missoula for the Lindsey Stirling concert. It is turning into a bit of a culinary tour since when I left home, I stopped by the natural food store and got a bag of healthy car foods and drinks. Then going past the lake, grandma offered us waffles with berries. In Ronan we stopped by a little red and white taco place and I just knew the tacos would be crispy and hot. They were. Our intentions were then set on a bakery further down the road whose reputation had preceded it. Alas it was closed, but it made a good picture. (See photo.)

Travelling is an important family activity when learning takes place and memories are made. Takes these steps to make sure that both are good. 

Wellness Wednesday: How to have a Healthy Argument

I would like to say that couples and families can get to a point where they do not have arguments. However I believe that is unrealistic. Instead, I would present to you a list of rules which will help the arguments that do occur be fair, responsible and healthy. 

Click HERE to learn more.

Structure Sunday: The Structure of Mothers

In my practice, we do gynecology, surgery, prenatal care and deliver babies.  However, sometimes I think we are helping to make mothers. Usually we spend 30 weeks with a woman and then go through some very intense and uplifting experiences with her. Along the way, we learn all about their background. We help them face challenges that arise. We try to address whatever needs addressing from eating habits to referrals for domestic violence. We try to uplift, we try to empower. We try to help them become good mothers. 

At the beginning, I tend to notice the things I need to address, the problems.  But as the weeks pass, I notice the things that are unique and special about each patient. Somehow, the problems and the virtues are all wound together. These complex dynamic women most always do their best, learn a great deal, and are sent home with a newborn, who will respond to everything they are, and the new world they inhabit.

These worlds are seldom perfect. I think back to my mother, the last of 8 children, born in 1917 in Oklahoma to a poor coal miner's family. Her father, once a foreman, had saved his team of men after an explosion deep in the mine. He suffered severe burns and disfigurement. Thereafter, the family descended into poverty. When she was 14, she was married off to an alcoholic older man. I later learned she endured extensive abuse. 

When I was adopted, she was already 45 and remarried to my dad. She was not easy to be with. Even as a young teen, I knew she was not like my friends' mothers. It was only as a young doctor that I began to understand what she had gone through, and the effect it had on her. Without a doubt, she had PTSD. She was angry, insecure and sold herself short. I could go on. I was angry and disappointed at her for not trying harder in life. 

As my medical career developed, I saw more women like her. As my role as their doctor taught me compassion, I developed a compassion for her. But of course, this was near the time she passed in 1990. At the time I lived with her, dealing with her difficult behaviors made it hard to experience the good things about her. Of course there were good things. I can see them better now.

I can remember the joy she had shopping for nice clothes for me, something she never had when she was a girl. I can remember how she liked high heels and going out to dinner. She made excellent pie crust. She admired Jackie O. She loved the sound of black women singing. She loved Christmas, and carols, and gave lots of gifts. She told me my education would make it so I would never have to rely on any man. 

After she escaped her first husband and before she married my dad, she worked in a factory assembling bombers. She was a real Rosie the Riveter. After that, she became a bookkeeper at a firm in Los Angeles. She looked ten years younger than her age, even though she picked up smoking as a young women in order to look elegant and independent. She quit smoking cold turkey on post op day one after her quadruple bypass, but died of heart disease anyway eight short years later. 

I am looking back through time so you can too. I am also looking back so perhaps you will look at the present differently. Your mother may not be perfect. But it is still incumbent upon you to see the good with the bad, to see her as a whole person with understanding, compassion, and appreciation.

I also write to remind us that there is a good mother inside all of us. She just may need a little help coming out. 

Wellness Wednesday: Enthusiasm

I like to think that that when someone close to us passes on, that we can pick from among their good traits to inherit. Recently, my father in law, Dr. Van Kirke Nelson passed on at the age of 83. He was an Ob/Gyn, but also a business person, philanthropist, and art collector.

I studied the stages of grief in medical school just like everyone else, but I'm not sure where I am in the official stages. However, I can say that I am in a stage of deliberate inheritance. I am remembering all of his wonderful traits:  diplomacy, devotion, optimism, energy for endless projects, cleverness at crafting the win-win solution, and above all enthusiasm.

There are several of these traits on which I have dibs. I am hoping to inherit quite a bit of his diplomacy. I have always been short there. Then there's the optimism. I am the cup half empty girl, and to some extent I own that.  I am always trying to figure out what could go wrong so I can keep it from happening. I guess that is written into my job description. So I would like more optimism. Not the blind unreasonable kind. Not the kind that says things are always going to work out fine. Instead, I'd like the kind that says we can almost always find a solution. And even though I'm pretty darn enthusiastic, I'd like some more of that. You can't have enough of that. Grandpa, as I called him, was a great inspiration to be enthusiastic, and that is not going to end. 

In that spirit of enthusiasm, I'd like to share with you some simpler sources of enthusiasm. I have started work on our links page. There is already enough inspiring material on there to keep you awake all night. But take a page from Grandpa's playbook: Read about cool things other people are doing.. and then do some of your own. 

Check out our inspiring links HERE. 

Food Friday: Food for the postpartum mom

Food is a traditional gift. But, for the postpartum mom, it is best given with some forethought. 

Consider whether it would be best to do a fresh, ready to eat meal or maybe a freezer dinner for later. Make sure to find out about any allergies or food preferences before you prepare. If you do choose a freezer dinner, make sure she has enough room in the freezer. If you need recipes for make ahead meals, there is a wealth of them on food.com, epicurious.com, and of course Pinterest. For a deluxe gift, get together with a few of her friends and assign each person a meal for each day of the week for the first week she is home.  Friends did this for me once and it was so much fun. 

The breastfeeding mom needs between 300 and 500 calories or extra nutrition after the delivery of the baby. She especially needs high quality proteins, healthy fats and fluids. As far as food restrictions because of baby, there really are none. I have always taken the view that baby will to learn to like garlic, chili and chocolate just like I do! There really are no medical reasons to avoid strongly flavored foods when you are breastfeeding. 

Food gifts do not have to be meals. They can be baked goods or even a basket of healthy snacks or a case of healthy drinks like Pellegrino water. 

Gifts do not even have to be food! If you are fairly familiar with the new mom and her home, consider a gift of housekeeping, gardening, pet care or personal shopping on her behalf. You can draw up a cute certificate to present to her if you like, and she can cash it in when she prefers. 

Just remember that the new postpartum mom is bound to be tired. While your gift is almost certainly welcome, your postpartum friend might not be up to a great deal of socializing. So keep your visit short and sweet. 

If you are interested in information about breastfeeding and nutrition, please see the links below at on drginanelson.com. 

Breastfeeding 
Nutrition 

In other news, I am happy to report that all of the pages on drginanelson.com finished. Of course we are still polishing them, adding new handouts, and perhaps an occasional new graphic. Nonetheless, our collection of topics provide a cohesive overview of knowledge from Obstetrics, Gynecology and healthy lifestyle that is up to the minute in accuracy.

In the next week or so, I will be reorganizing the site a bit to make navigating this content simpler and easier, especially for mobile. In all cases, your input about content and ease of use would be most welcome. There is a feedback box you can access in the left menu bar from every page on the site. 

Stay tuned for more posts on Structure Sunday, Medical Monday, Wellness Wednesday, and Food Friday. 

Structure Sunday: The Sit Down Family Dinner

I've been blogging a lot about food lately even if it isn't food Friday. I've explained that food can help you get healthy and that food can help you socialize. Well guess what ?  Food can even help you get organized. Food can help you structure your time and even your mind. 

I once read an interesting fact about the Rhodes Scholars. These are people who in their graduate education have received the highest of academic honors, complete with scholarship money. Needless to say these are some smart, productive and organized people. At one point, someone tried to evaluate a number of Rhodes scholars to try to determine if there were any common factors in their backgrounds. The only thing that they could come up with was this: they all grew up with the tradition of sitting down together as a family for dinner.

How could family dinner time possibly have anything to do with growing up to be smart, productive and organized? Think about this: we've all seen households that run smoothly, and we've all seen the opposite where chaos and strife reign. I think that the sit down dinner is a sign of a calm and organized household. But I also think that a chaotic household can be calmed by the introduction of something like a sit down meal. It goes both ways. 

A sit down dinner takes foresight, planning, caring and creativity. It also can involve delegating. If kids see these processes in action day after day, they internalize them. There is extra time and effort involved especially for working moms, but if you think about the behavioral as well as nutritional benefits, it's well worth it. 

Once you master the sit down family dinner, try a party. Get the kids involved from the beginning, even the teenagers. Consider a mix of ages. You invite some of your friends, but let the kids invite some of their friends too. Plan well in advance. Two weeks ahead, make a guest list and send invites by email or snail mail. Develop a menu, and maybe a theme. Clean house and shop a couple days ahead, and the day before start the food preparations. If you have the party on a Saturday evening, the kids can help with the final preparations in the morning. Involve the kids at every step of the way, and you will see their pride when the candles are lit and show time arrives.  

I am convinced this kind of family activity confers behavioral benefits in many ways. Home becomes the place to be. Parents are seen as the ones trying something fun and new. Kids learn some homemaking skills, but most importantly, they learn about planning and execution. They  learn to structure time in order to get things accomplished. And that is more valuable than a Rhodes scholarship. 

Food Friday: Food is for Celebrating !

January and February are big birthday months for our family and I'm glad. After the holidays, and with the weather, these months can seem kind of dismal. Don't let this happen. Research from many fields indicated that we are happier and healthier when we connect with others. And, it is an ancient human tradition to connect over food: To break bread with one another, or in our case, cake. 

I generally make most of our gatherings pot luck. This way, everyone can contribute and no one person is overburdened. Plus, you get more variety. Yes, you have to clean and spruce your house and buy a few extra groceries, but it is well worth the fun. You may choose an occasion as a reason to get together, or have none at all. We have done board game nights, movie nights, a mocktail party, and of course gatherings for birthdays and holidays. My friend's son once had a Braveheart party. And about birthdays: don't think anyone is too old for a birthday party. Just do it. 

If you would like to learn more about how social connections are associated with longevity and happiness, let me refer you to the book Thrive, by Dan Buettner. It is not to be missed. It is about the lifestyles of those around the globe who are very long lived. You might be surprised at what you learn. This book is listed in my " Retail therapy" section of the website in my Amazon store. 

Structure Sunday: Holidays, the Happy Disruption

I have been meaning to write a post about how routine is the basis of all health maintenance.  It has to do with how small simple tasks repeated over and over in time, create health. Or wealth, for that matter. Everyone knows that small consistent contributions to a savings account make large gains over time. One could also argue that consistent routine is the basis of most work or creative productivity. 

But health is our wealth, and what I want to emphasize is the regularity of just a couple things: nutrition in three healthy meals and snacks, and regular 6 days per week of exercise. If these could be done simply, moderately, and consistently, without a lot of stress or fanfare, it would be awesome.

However, it is the holiday season. Holidays can be disruptive, to health, wealth, nutrition, exercise and work. And as you have seen, I am a bit off schedule in certain things. For example, I took some time off from the blog due to sheer merriment and kids being home from college. But I have been thinking about you all, and how you are faring, during this festive and sometimes disruptive season. 

Here are my simple suggestions for keeping the happy in the holidays. Try to keep to your exercise above all, especially since you're perhaps eating richer food this season. Even if you eat treats, such as those on this holiday table, don't fret. Sample them in moderation, by all means, but be sure to include healthy holiday food in the menu. 

And since it is the holiday season, I feel I can ask for a few more things. Have ice water or plain club soda on every table, and ladies, no more than one 8 ounce glass of beer, wine, or champagne per day. Try to sleep at least 7 hours per night. Finally, develop a holiday month plan, right down to gifts, wrapping, invitations, and meals. I am a big advocate of plotting all this on a calendar, and refining what works bests year after year.

Routines, large and small, will help you keep the holidays merry and bright. 

Food Friday: Two weeks until Thanksgiving

I hope everyone is looking forward to the upcoming holiday. If you are not, you have two weeks to see what you can do to change that. Maybe some of your family are overseas; perhaps they have passed on. Maybe you dread the relatives or just all the work involved. 

The remedies are not always easy, but they are simple. First and foremost, reach out. Make a new friend or find a old one. Make amends well in advance. Practice gratefulness. If you can't, find someone less well off than you and brighten their day. 

Then plan. 

Plan a great day. Plan the meal and a beautiful table setting, even if it is for just two people. Include time honored favorite dishes. Then take a walk on the culinary wild side. I suggest Pinterest.com for ideas. And by all means make the feast at least partially pot luck. 

Thanksgiving is a celebration of gratitude. Gratitude is turning out to be a key aspect of mental health. It should be practiced everyday like an exercise, especially if it doesn't come naturally. A few of us in my family write down three things every day for which we are grateful. It's easy, quick and effective. 

When you get your Thanksgiving meal made and laid out beautifully, look, really look at it. Then consider all for which you can be grateful.

A letter to my California friends about Montana, guns and culture

Last night we attended a lovely reception for my aging in-laws in honor of their long patronage of Western art. We viewed everything from Charlie Russell paintings to traditional doeskin dresses. How fitting then was it that the reception was held at a shooting club. Entertainment included the shooting of trap. I was captured in photo while shooting, and Echo my daughter declared the image Facebook worthy. But a concern rose in my mind, so I wrote this letter. 

Dear California friends,

We Montanans stand with you in your grief and outrage at the recent violence in Santa Barbara. We share your concerns about gun safety. As my daughter posts these photos of me shooting. I am concerned you will consider it insensitive in light of the recent tragedy. So I offer the following thoughts.

I think these type of photos are apt to translate very poorly on the current national stage.   It is not difficult to confuse issues of guns in California, guns in the tragedy versus guns in Montana at a shooting club. I want you to know I have given it some thought, on whether I should, out of sensitivity, ask Echo not to post pictures from the party. I decided rather that I would let happen what would naturally happen, especially since her posting is out of a sense of pride and celebration. 

Something up here in Montana feels naturally resistant to violence of that particular nature. Sure we have our rare crazies like anywhere else. Up here though they more often than not leave society and hole up in the mountains. Observing more generally, one finds there is a modicum of knowledge and more importantly a code of honor associated with firearms that has not exported to more urban places with weapons. Perhaps this is related to how we educate our kids. Hunter's Safety is taken here by the majority of kids when they turn eleven. It is several nights a week for several weeks, conducted by Fish Wildlife and Parks together with the schools. It is a really big time investment for the parents and kids and a colorful community rite of passage. There is a small but important book given to every person during the program. It is called " Beyond Fair Chase" and it is about the ethics and traditions of hunting.  Consider having a look. 

Beyond Fair Chase: The Ethic and Tradition of Hunting

$5.36

By Jim Posewitz

Buy on Amazon

Maybe the secret sauce is the social cohesion all this engenders. Here, guns signify responsibility and together with hunting, and a bit of independence. At the same time, hunting means family time, gatherings of friends and magnificent meals. 

Hunting culture teaches several other things worth mentioning. It puts one deep into nature, illuminating both its grandeur and intimacy. It requires teamwork, planning, patience and perseverance. It makes graphic the power and potential violence of weapons and hints at the horror of war and crime. Lastly, It brings ordinary people close to loss of life. I have heard more than one cold wet, weapon burdened hunter come in and wonder how war or massacres could have ever taken place. In this setting, hunting seems to sensitize us to these realities, rather than desensitize. People, nature, life and death are brought into close juxtaposition and we come to understand them better. 

I feel Montana voices are especially important in the discussion on weapons related violence. It is my hope that lessons from hunting culture can contribute something toward making cities safer.

Sincerely, 

Gina 

California girl transplanted to Montana

Pomp and Circumstance

This weekend I shared the fantastic surreal experience of college graduation with my family. For weeks my son in law, who was receiving a Masters degree, had said he was not going to walk. As the date grew near, he changed his mind just in time to order his robe, hood and cap.

Brian is a practical sort, and had little use for the multicolored hood and strange flat hat. However he listened  patiently as I explained that it was a communal rite of passage that would never happen again. When he rolled his eyes, I cut to the chase, and enlightened him that it was mostly for his parents. I helped him adjust his hood correctly and explained that the outer  colors represented his university and the inner colors represented his college, in this case, agriculture. He would be joining the ranks of centuries of scholars donning the colored robes of academia. Echo, his wife, my daughter, came in and out in a flurry, getting ready. When she returned, I mentioned  something to which I thought she could relate. 

Our family has been to England, specifically Oxford and Cambridge. There we visited the ivy clad walls of King's College and punted on the river Cam, floating under the bridge of sighs. We were told the bridge connected dormitories to the great exam hall, thus explaining its name. In the main exam hall, we all felt as though we had been there before. It was darkly paneled room, with grand weathered wooden table running it's length. High on the walls were portraits of ancient robed scholars. Robed ! Of course. In those days, all students wore robes as they attended school. Their robes were plain, and as they advanced, graduated and attained various honors, their regalia increased, with tassels hoods and caps. Our tour guide explained that the room had served as the model for the great hall in Hogwarts. No wonder we felt at home. 

Back in bozeman I decided to fall short of telling Brian that he was becoming a wizard. Even a good mother in law is indulged only so much. True enough, his robes heartened back to the academic robes of old England, in a world where education may as well have been magic, the purview of an elite few, and requisite for power. 

I raised my kids in a melange of academics, science, fiction and fantasy. Thus I  knew Echo would appreciate my reference back to the academic vestments of old. I knew too that in Marvel's fictional world of Asgard, Odin was right, saying that which we called magic was really just more advanced science. 

And so the day saw Brian invested with his Masters degree. We listened to several addresses, each of which was surprisingly illuminating, intense or touching in turn. The graduates were given their diplomas, charged with their rights and responsibilities and we adjourned. But sure enough, the Professors had done their magic and a a spell had been cast. Brian would go home with a good job waiting for him. He would also leave with and enlarged affection for science and the near magical ability to conduct research. 

After the ceremonies, we returned to have an open house and pack. And pack and pack. Though we were returning to the mundane, here was no denying that a transition had been crossed. We could all feel the surreal quality of the transition from one phase of life to another. Time and memory were in sharp focus and set apart. We were all transformed a bit, in this magical circumstance.