family

Food Friday: Healthy School Lunches 

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Think this is going to be a bunch of recipes ? Think again. Here is what it really takes to have your kids' school lunches be healthy. It's not what you think, and it takes a lot more than a recipe. 

A healthy school lunch that is well received by your grade school child is one of the crowning achievements of parenthood. To engineer this amazing feat, you must be ambitious, disciplined, creative and start very early in the game, like before you are even pregnant with the child. Seriously ?

Most depends on you, and this is both bad and good news. It means the obligation is upon you, but it also means you have the power. While you will see that I am emphasizing a strategy that works best if you start early in a child's life, these strategies can work on older children, teens, and in principle, even husbands !

You must lay the appropriate groundwork in your home. Your parenting should have that " just right" touch which is not too lax and not too firm. Your home should run smoothly, so that kids feel secure. Then you must learn what healthy food is, and learn to prepare it so it is easy to handle and appealing to eat. Then you start thinking about healthy school lunches. Here are your tips: 

  • Start very early on healthy eating habits for the whole family. 
  • Make sure you know about nutrition, and not just what marketers say. 
  • Lead by example, i.e. shop, cook and eat healthy yourself. 
  • Make superb healthy food a family hobby. .  
  •  Know your kids friends.
  • Foster this philosophy among your kids' friends by having them over to do cooking projects. Get them involved in the tradition of really nice healthy food. 
  • Know about school food situation. (Is there a hot lunch ?) 
  • Know about school policy ( Is food trading permitted ? ) 
  • Know the school social scene (Are there bullies ? ) 
  • Be aware of social sensitivity surrounding home packed lunch. ( Is it cool ? Uncool ? ) 
  • Involve children in the school lunch making process. 
  • Look up healthy school lunches online together. 
  • Make a shared Pinterest album of school lunch ideas. 
  • Choose and purchase their lunch containers together. Let the child have a much say as possible.
  • Observe Food safety when packing lunches. Consider a reusable ice block. 
  • Get kids involved the night before in composing and packing their lunch, at the same time you make yours ! 
  • Don’t be a purist. Include some healthier treats like dark chocolate or covered almonds ! 
  • Consider the classic note of encouragement. Consider variations such as riddles or anagrams. 
  • Enjoy the process ! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wellness Wednesday: The Benefit of Trying New Things 

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Nutrition, fitness and good relationships can keep us healthy. But... trying new things ? Yes, being adventurous has physical as well as psychological benefits to our health. (1) 

Adventure is a relative thing. For one person it might mean trying a new cookbook (me) while another may need to paraglide to 5000 feet above sea level (my son). But in all cases it means doing something different than your usual, and, for best results, it means getting out of your comfort zone. Comfort zones vary considerably in size.  

Does adventure have to be dangerous ? Of course not. But it should expose you to a new environment and require you to do things you have not done before. So why does it have to be all that? 

Before I explain, lets take a look at the American vacation. It is an endangered species. We are one of the few developing countries without a national policy of paid leave. Those companies who do provide paid leave do not always encourage its use, even though research shows it greatly improves employee productivity and satisfaction. When the companies do provide leave AND encourage its use, employees are reluctant to take it. Why ? Forty percent are afraid of coming back to " a mountain of work" , a third feel no one can do their work but them, a third feel they cannot afford it, and about a fifth feel guilty.  Forty-three percent of adults do not remember the last time they tried to have an adventure. Reasons for avoiding adventure range from lack of money to embarrassment. (2) Fear of one thing or another plays a role in skipping vacations. Ironically, it should be the opposite, since skipping vacations is associated with a measurable and significantly increased risk of heart disease in men and women, according to the Framingham study. (3)

And yet, we bemoan our lack of time off and we make bucket lists all of the things we don't and won't do. We execute what Tim Ferris calls the " deferred life plan". (4) Moreover, we note how every year seems to pass more quickly. 

Enter adventure. If we do get around to it, here is what happens. First, our narrow view of the world opens back up. We experience different ways of living, and see ourselves and others in a new light. Novelty and some degree of challenge have to be a part of it. This way, our confidence and competence is enhanced. A 2015 Study on newly graduated nurses found that a nontraditional outdoors adventure leadership program increased feeings of competence and confidence. When they returned to work, their transformation was felt to have impacted their entire work culture. (5) 

Adventure may even be an antidote for the accelerated passage of time. Dave Engelmann, a neuroscientist, notes that the more familiar the world becomes, the less we remember, and thus the faster times seems to pass. (3). I deduce that novelty and adventure may help us savor the time we have. 

Check out these fun resources: 

30 New Things to Try by Lifehack.com

The Beginner's Guide to Trying New Things

Staying on Top of Your Game

References: 

  1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laurie-gerber/are-we-having-fun-yet_b_7948588.html
  2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/19/americans-vacation-days_n_5682576.html
  3. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/04/25/the-possibilian
  4. http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2010/01/10/what-can-you-learn-from-the-4-hour-workweek/
  5. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25608096

 

Wellness Wednesday: Workouts for your Mind and Soul

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Have you ever heard of TED talks ? If I had to think of the SINGLE BEST USE of media, TED talks would be it. Now aren’t you curious ? 

TED talks are short (usually less than 18 minutes) powerful talks by people with important and timely insights. Originally they were by just the very best and the brightest, people such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Steven Hawking. To this day, they are still given by those who have a deep special interest and expertise in a subject. 

The TED talks were originally conceived in California. They have close ties with the California University system, Stanford, and all major universities the world round. They are international in scope. To be invited to speak is a rare privilege. To attend in person is enormously expensive, but all talks are provided free to everyone over the internet.  TED talk conferences have branched into all major cities, and TEDx has been developed to give smaller communities the chance to participate. 

Oftentimes Ted speakers are researchers, or high level thought leaders, heads of state, or industry innovators. Commonly they are scientists or extreme athletes. Occasionally they are artists of note. They are always fascinating, and always worth watching.

And while you can listen to TED talks on iTunes radio, podcasts, and elsewhere, they are best watched. There is nothing like seeing these sorts of people give these usually intense distillations of human wisdom and brilliance. If you want to see a great example, check out the Talk by Jill Bolte Taylor. In video format, it brings it so much more down to earth. The speakers seem more accessible, as though you might run into them in the grocery store. 

I can tell you why a TED talk is so potent. This is because I was asked to to do one at the first TEDx conference in our area. I had done public speaking before, so I thought it would be straightforward. Wow did I have a lot to learn. A TED talk is not like an academic lecture. For our conference in northwestern Montana, I had several coaches, starting weeks in advance. One came all the way from Southern California to coach us. The coaches had to tear my style apart and put it back together again. I was lecturing, whereas they needed me to actually connect on a personal level over my material. I had to explain myself in clear ordinary nonmedical language.  I had to connect, which was my biggest challenge, and I had to end with a call to action. Plus I had to get it all done in 18 minutes or less.  

 

There are so many stories you and your family NEED to watch at TED.org and TEDx.org. I have been showing them to my kids, family and friends for years, and they are an endless source of inspiration. The TED.org website is great in that you can chose a talk by speaker, topic, or even rating. You can get an app on any platform or you can use a computer and a browser to go to TED.org. I cannot recommend then any more highly. 

 

Structure Sunday: The Structure of Friendship

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Tonight I had dinner with a friend I have known since early high school, about 40 years ago. I love the the idea that we have been friends that long. I actually don’t like the idea of ever losing any of my friends, regardless of time or distance. And there has been a great deal of time and distance between me and most of my friends. Nonetheless, I think old friendships hold the world together. 

This friend took the initiative to keep in touch. We went to the same small high school and left there in 1977 and 1979 respectively.  Our high school was an intense, supportive and inspiring place, and as a group, we departed there meaning to do good in the world. He and I went off to separate colleges a continent away, and went about marrying, having kids, going to school, school, and more school. I became a physician and he became a researcher for the World Health Organization, among other things. 

After Facebook reunited many people, he decided it would be nice to visit. And so he did, especially since I live in eminently visit worthy place. Of course, truth is stranger than fiction, so during his visit, he naturally he fell right in love with my wonderful neighbor and returned later to stay many months with her. Eventually they parted ways as friends and he still visits to this day. 

So tonight I had my good neighbor and my old friend over for dinner since he is visiting. It was such a treat since I also invited my niece and nephew over as well so they could meet my old friend. For you see, my friend did go out and do good in the world, and I wanted to share it with these kids. 

He recently finished his residency in Anesthesia, as he decided later in life to become a doctor. At the end of his residency, the Ebola outbreak began, so he departed for Sierra Leone, one of the hardest hit areas, to help. He spent six weeks there, and at tonight’s table, he told us about all we wanted to know and more, from the percentages that lived, to the special suits he wore, to his American co-worker who contracted the disease and lived. I was so pleased that he could share all this, especially with the kids present. It not only tied us together, it tied us together with all the Ebola fighters, and even put us degrees closer to the Ebola patients themselves, and helped us understand their humanity in a near first hand way. Best of all, he told us about the preliminary announcement from about three weeks ago, that an effective Ebola vaccine is on the horizon. 

So as the night wore on, and the topic of Ebola played itself out, we realized that my nephew plans to travel to just the area of Italy where my old friends and my neighbor have visited: Venice. So I was the happy recipient of colorful descriptions of Venice. My nephew was given numerous recommendations about places to visit, things to do, and travel strategies to use. I got to listen to exuberant descriptions and enthralled questions about this place, which at this point, to me, is nearly mythical, yet now more real. 

So because of this long friendship, tonight, at my own table, I traveled from darkest Africa to brightest Venice. We were able to appreciate each far flung place as the real place that it is, and understand that hope blooms in both. We renewed bonds, and shared all this with the younger generation. 

Are your friendships in good shape ? They are so important to our collective well being, that I suggest having a look. 

 

 

 

 

 

Food Friday: Cold Desserts

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Raspberry granita with berries and mint in glass cups, selective focus.jpg

It’s hot and fruit is in season. Here’s a little history of your favorite summer desserts and some tips on how to modify them to make them healthier. 

 

 

 

  • Frappes- ice, milk of some sort, flavorings, blended as a drink, originated in Greece  in the 1950s, named with the French word for shake or strike. 
  • Smoothies-a thick beverage made of  ice, milk of some sort, yogurt, fruit, blended as a drink. Some include vegetables, nut butters or protein powder. Recipes originated in Brasil, and were popularized with the invention of the blender. These became popular in the US in the 1960s. 
  • Ice cream - In the US defined as having 10 % butterfat or more, frozen, with lots of air whipped in. Frozen dairy desserts date back many centuries to many countries. The English first published recipes for ice cream in the 1700s. 
  • Gelato- Italian ice cream; must be at least 3.5 % butterfat; comes from Sicily since Sicily is near both mountains with ice and orchards with fruit. 
  • Sherbet- frozen blend of milk and fruit flavors about 1-2 % butterfat, An lower fat American version of ice cream.
  • Frozen yogurt - yogurt with flavoring like fruit, frozen and whipped. Originated in the Us in the 1980s during the fitness revolution. 
  • Granita- water, large ice crystals, sugar and flavorings like fruit juice or coffee; also hails from Sicily. 
  • Sorbet - dense frozen confection of water, sugar, flavoring, frozen and blended smooth; folklore dates it back to the Roman emperor Nero. 
  • Popsicle- originally was frozen flavored ice on a stick. Patented in Oakland California in the 1920s. Modern versions may contain other ingredients like fruit. 

 

You can find recipes for these in many places. My favorite sources are :

epicurious.com

Food.com

Foodnetwork.com

 Pinterest

 

Here are some general principles which will help you create desserts that people will enjoy. 

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  • Get a good electric ice cream machine. 
  • Get a good blender, preferably a Vitamix. 
  • Get some popsicle forms and make your own healthy versions. Make icy or dairy versions; consider adding fruit slices. 
  • You may use a simple metal pan placed in the freezer, combined with periodic stirring. Granitas work especially well this way. 
  • Use sweet ripe fruit if you are omitting or reducing sugar. Consider adding half a banana or a few sweet grapes to certain desserts to sweeten. Those who like stevia may try that, though be sparing. The point is to taste the natural flavors. 
  • Choose coconut milk if you are dairy intolerant. 
  • Choose dark chocolate flavoring. 
  • Choose decaf coffee for flavoring. 


It is a fun summer family activity to make healthy cold desserts. However, you have to have a good attitude if you are going to take conventional recipes and modify them to make them more healthy. You can’t expect them to taste exactly like store brands, and that’s just fine. 

Wellness Wednesday: Dealing with Disappointment

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The other day, I inadvertently backed up into my husband's truck, for the second time in one month.  Both times it was parked in an atypical location, but both times I should've seen it. Both times I was going about 1 mile an hour. I have incurred enough damage to pay for two round-trip airfares to Europe. This was a disappointment.

 

My initial reaction was that I was sad and dismayed. However I was on my way to a delivery, so I knew I had to be sharp. I knew it was nobody's fault really and that there was nothing to be done about it at that moment. The necessity to get out of my funk in short order was actually a really positive exercise. It caused me to think about the best way to deal with disappointment.

All the sources that I consulted on the subject indicated the same basic set of recommendations. Here is my personal redux on the matter. 

  • Pause and breathe before reacting. Take a couple of minutes if need be.
  • Acknowledge your own feelings of disappointment or anger, but do not act out.
  • Accept the present state of affairs.
  • Deliberately avoid blame and invoke an attitude of neutrality.
  • Take responsibility for what you can.
  • Remind yourself that all problems have solutions or at least strategies.
  • Deal constructively with what you have to and postpone the rest until the initial shock wears off.
  • After the initial shock wears off, reach out to others who you know will be helpful and supportive.
  • After any big disappointment, stay in your basic routine. Observe a good sleep schedule and stick to your three meals and three snacks every day as well as your workout.
  • Go out of your way to remind yourself about all the good things in your life. 

 

Keeping this routine will help keep your stress levels down and help you recover from disappointments. 

 

 

Structure Sunday: The Structure of Childhood Memories

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Childhood memories are an important part of who we are. It is up to parents to engineer varied and happy memories into their children's lives. This weekend we went down memory lane by virtue of hosting a wedding reception for the son of some of our closet friends. You would not think a wedding would focus a great deal on childhood memories. And yet, this weekend, it was a veritable memory fest. Of course there was the requisite slideshow of the childhood pictures of both bride and groom. But more than that, at the reception, clusters of conversations ensued, conversations between people who had done much together as children but little recently as adults. 

My extended family is large and we ourselves have three grown children. But, and this is one major point of this post, we have so many friends who are like family. These are families we have known for 20 to 30 years, and whose children have grown up with ours. Back in the day, we gravitated toward them because they were good and interesting people. More than that, they were creative and adventurous, and despite the fact that we were college students of modest means, we had adventures: us, our kids, our friends and their kids. These people have stayed our good friends all this long while. It feels like a tribe, or the proverbial village, the village it takes to raise a child. 

These adventures we had took time, planning and some wherewithal, but it all paid off in ways which we did not then entirely anticipate. Today we have grown kids who sit around the table and marvel at all they got to do as children. We look at old pictures and tell tales of glory. They know their experiences have shaped them. These children have grown to be inventive and resilient from their experiences. These are two of the greatest gifts a child can have. And now they are taking their kids out too.

It is fewer and fewer kids who have these experiences of rafting, camping, hiking or traveling for the sake of seeing a new place. I am writing to encourage you to find good people for your village. Find them and set off on adventures. You will have to take time off work, plan, get some gear, and maybe even learn a few new things. But that's all part of it. Go make some great memories for yourself and your children. You will get more out of it than you realize. 

Food Friday: On the Glories of Summer Fruit

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Summer fruit is not just something to eat. It is a family project. It is a creative endeavor, and it is Holiday preparation. Finally it's a great bargain. 

Most people think of boxes of ripe summer fruit as the mere predecessors of pies and cobbler. I love fresh pie and cobbler as much as anyone else, but there is only so much you can eat and stay healthy. 

Consider the price of frozen fruit at the grocery store, even Costco. Frozen fruit is a premium item, and if you have ever tended a tree or picked a bushel of fruit you will know why. But, to go to a produce vendor for a box of ripe fruit in season, you will pay a fair price for an excellent product. But you must buy it by the box or bushel, which might be daunting to some. 

Take courage ! To freeze you need only freezer worthy ziplock bags, some time, and some lemon juice. Freeze by the quart or by the gallon. 

To dry, you need patience, an oven, a very hot day, or a dehydrator. With a little more cleverness and maybe a recipe, you can make fruit leathers, which are a most welcome gift. Now is the time to get some made to give at the holidays. 

Jam has less sugar than jelly and is a suitable treat or gift when home made. Delve into the exotic fruit spiked salsas, and you will have serious trouble keeping it around. 

To be fair, you will need some equipment. First you will need large bowls and pots. You will also  need many hands to help wash and slice. The thrifty among you will want the largest good freezer you can afford. Canning pots and tools are relatively inexpensive, and jars are a common item at garage sales. Just be sure they are in good condition and not chipped. Finally for the connoisseurs, you will want a proper dehydrator. And by all means indulge yourself in one of the many beautiful books about preserving. You may as well get the gold standard, the Ball Blue Book Guide to Canning and Preserving. 

If you do this sort of kitchen magic with the kids, they will be fascinated. Photo document your fun and you will be blog- worthy and an instagram hit ! You will also have a really good spoon to lick. 

 

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Structure Sunday:The Structure of Back to School Preparation

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I loved school. But I always hated those back to school signs in the stores. I still do. It always made summer seem shorter than it really was. And yet, now that I am a seasoned parent, I think there are real benefits to preparing for back to school. 

Just about now, it’s time to check in with your kids about any summer assignments they might have had. Don’t be that parent who declines to ask since they want their child to “ do it on their own”. Ask and get involved. Yes, it is nice when kids are self starters, but each kid is different, and you should at least know what is going on. 

It’s time to get together with your munchkin and deep clean their room. Give them some advance notice so that it is not a shock and so it does not interfere with their remaining summer plans. Let them know you might be willing to make some improvements if a good job gets done. Great examples would be a new bulletin or marker board, or perhaps a cool shelf.

Make sure that once their room is clean that everything truly has a place. Sometimes kid get blamed for having messy rooms when in fact there really is nowhere to put anything. Make sure there are enough hangers, shelves, baskets, boxes, or whatever it takes to fulfill the maxim “ A place for everything and everything in its place. “ And of course, most importantly, set a good example and keep your house clean, tidy and organized. People, especially kids, get used to whatever they’re in. You do your kids a big favor to model organization to them in this way. Being spatially organized does so much to lower stress in the house. 

Make sure to supply what they need for school. Make sure the basics are there, but also try to show you value education by going the extra mile for them with their school supplies. Make sure they have an excellent backpack to carry it all. Allow them to express their personal style. 

Make sure you know about the lunch and PE situation to come. Consider a well done home made packed lunch if school lunch quality is marginal. You can even teach your child to make her lunch eventually. Food is a great place to show kids values in action. Make sure your child has a chance to choose how they carry their lunch. 

Attend any orientations or registrations with your child, all the way through twelfth grade if you ask me. 

Finally, survey the back to school clothing situation. Assuming the room cleanup went well, ill fitting, damaged, or unwanted clothing has been given, donated, or recycled. Introduce the idea of starting your school shopping at a good thrift store such as Goodwill. Offer to take some of your child’s friends along. It is a truly fun treasure hunt. It is hip, green, and cheap.Then after that, check online for any swaps or sales, then get what you must new. 

You are the parent and you have a lot of influence. You can have this influence better by what you do, compared to what you say. Your day to day choices about how you interact with your kids convey your values. These back to school  tips will help you your convey your interest in their education, life habits, and health. They help you convey that you care about them. 

Food Friday: Summer Guests

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Summer should be full of guests. Where there are guests there should be great food and drink. And yet, it is important that the work of food preparation not get in the way of entertaining. Here are simple, easy ideas for summer entertaining. 

 

 

1. Give at least a week of notice, so the gathering is informal but not too informal. Be open to drop ins. 

2. Be aware of any food intolerances or limitations. Have at least three dishes everyone can eat. 

3. Incorporate the out of doors somehow. 

4. Invite guests to contribute a dish but let them know to come even if they are too busy to prepare something. You may also simply ask them to bring soda water if you suspect they are busy. It is a good idea to invite guests to bring what they are good at cooking, within the constraints of your theme. 

5. Favor foods which can be prepared in advance, especially the main dish. An example would be meatballs in a slow cooker. 

6. Favor food which are presented, more than actually prepared, i.e. fruit and vegetable platters with dips. Similarly, favor foods which are assembled by the guest, i.e. a taco or fajita bar. 

7. Serve buffet style. 

8. Have a great selection of drinks, especially in hot weather. People love a big punch bowl. We make ours with 2 parts club soda with one part 100% fruit juice such as apple raspberry juice from frozen concentrate. We cool it with ice, but also frozen berry mix. We may also float some citrus slices. The variations on this punch can be endless, and it the flavors can morph as the bowl needs refilling. 

9. Don’t be afraid to decorate a little. You can be fun, festive or sophisticated at your whim. 

10. Finally, don’t forget the most important part of entertaining: Making your guests feel welcome. 

Wellness Wednesday: Healthy Communication Skills

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Communication skills are intrinsic to our wellness. They are central to our relationships and our effectiveness in life. I have distilled a list of six main steps in healthy communication. I discovered I have lots of room for improvement. Hopefully you will find something helpful too. 

1. Attitude adjust.

  • Consider your purpose in the conversation. 
  • Assume the best intentions in everyone. 
  • Stay positive - honest, patient, optimistic,  sincere. 
  • Value everyone equally. 

2. Check physical factors.

  • Put away distractions like phones. 
  • Make comfortable eye contact.
  • Watch your body language.  
  • Watch your tone. 

3. Listen actively.

  • Listen first.
  • Ask open ended questions.
  • Set aside judgement while listening. 
  • Listen actively -  Don’t interrupt; read back, aka clarify and reflect. 

4. Guide your reaction. 

  • Use empathy; Try to see the other person’s point of view.
  • Practice self awareness -recognize emotions and stresses as they arise and rather than react to them, handle them appropriately. 

5. Say your piece. 

  • Pause and ponder. Think before making a point.
  • Understand how your message might be received.
  • Tailor your message to your listener.
  • Use empathetic assertiveness. 
  • State needs, express feelings; Value your own point of view as well. 
  • Be direct; Be BRIEF - Give the "b"ackround, "r"eason,"i"nformation, "e"nd, and "f"ollow-up.

6. Connect and conclude. 

  • Connect personally.
  • Encourage the other.
  • Focus on the result.
  • Ask for input and feedback. 
  • Follow up with a plan. Close the loop. 
  • Show appreciation for the person and the conversation.  

 

Awesome references that expand on these tips: 

http://lifehacker.com/top-10-ways-to-improve-your-communication-skills-1590488550

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/9-tips-to-improve-communication-skills.html

http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Good-Communication-Skills

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/improving-communication.html

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/general/emotional-intelligence.html

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/improving-communication.html

http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/8-ways-to-improve-your-communication-right-now.html

http://www.citehr.com/11334-6-good-tips-increase-your-communication-skills.html

http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/14-very-effective-communication-skills/

http://www.wfm.noaa.gov/workplace/Comp_Conf_Handout_1.pdf

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm

Wellness Wednesday: Curing Procrastination

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Is procrastination an illness ? No. But it can affect your health. Let’s take a look at what it is, why it happens, and how to cure it. 

What is procrastination? 

Procrastination is putting off things that need to be done. How big is the problem ? About 20 % of people are chronic procrastinators and these percentages increase significantly during college. People who are chronic procrastinators perform more poorly in their family, in high school, in college, in jobs, and in relationships. This sounds like an unfortunate nuisance, but it is actually a health problem. According to many sources, procrastination creates stress which interferes with sleep, weakens the immune system and makes heart disease more likely. It is also very hard on mental health. 

To understand why procrastination happens, we have to look deeply into issues like self control, self image, inner honesty, fear of failure and distress tolerance. 

1. Procrastination may start as a form of silent rebellion against parents. This becomes a vicious cycle as adolescents avoid parents in favor of friends, who do not hold them accountable as parents would. 

2. Certain necessary tasks or even the idea of the tasks make people uncomfortable (distressed) , either because they dislike doing them or they are perceived as difficult or overwhelming. Those who cope with their feeling of dread or discomfort (distress) by avoidance may procrastinate, only making matters worse. Those who have poor coping skills or distress tolerance are likely to do other dysfunctional things to cope with life’s daily challenges and discomforts, such as abuse substances. 

3. When people do not want to risk failure, they will subconsciously "arrange" to have insufficient time for a task, thereby providing themselves with a ready excuse for their suboptimal performance.

4. Procrastination is self sabotage. People procrastinate to fail in order to show others they have been mistreated, to “get back at them” or to acquire victim status. ( This is, by the way, passive aggressive behavior.) 

5. Some people who procrastinate simply want others to pull up the slack in whatever it is that needs doing. 

6. Some people who really want to succeed procrastinate. They deceive themselves about several things: 

  •      They will be more motivated tomorrow.
  •      They have plenty of time left. 
  •      Their task will not be that challenging nor take that much time. 
  •      They will do better when they are feeing more motivated or inspired. 
  •      They think they do better under pressure. 
  •      They are talented enough to pull it off. 

     These are white lies we tell ourselves. 

 

What can be done about procrastination ? 

 

1. Procrastination is hard to overcome but it requires honesty with oneself and usually firm persistent guidance from others. 

2. Strong feelings of interpersonal conflict should be evaluated by a qualified counselor. 

3. Problems with procrastination in the setting of substance abuse should also be evaluated by a qualified counselor. 

4. Simple methods to beat procrastination are as follows: 

  •      Fortify your will power and your distress tolerance with adequate sleep, healthy meals, snacks and regular exercise.      
  •      Become a list maker. Get a system which is either digital, paper or both and include reminders such as sticky notes or alarms. 
  •      Use SMART goals criteria for your list items. See more about SMART goals HERE. Nutshell version: SMART goals are specific,measurable,attainable, relevant and time-bound.
  •      Overestimate the time it will take you to get something done. 
  •      Ditch perfection as a goal. It gets in the way of progress and accomplishment. 
  •      Divide large tasks into a series of small manageable tasks. 
  •      Practice mental “ time travel” to see how you will really feel tomorrow. 

5. All of this requires self regulation. Practicing self regulation with small tasks has been proven to improve self regulation with big tasks. 

  •      Realize that self regulation is critical to healthy relationships and success in life. That should be plenty of motivation. 
  •      Pick several easy small tasks, and stick to them. Larger tasks WILL get easier as a result. 
  •       Yoga or meditation is especially good training for the nervous system where self regulation is concerned. 
  •      Be easy on yourself for lapses. 
  •      Pat yourself on the back for all successes. 

   

References: 

 

Cal Poly’s Procrastination PDF - WOW amazing document ! http://sas.calpoly.edu/asc/ssl/procrastination.html

Psychology Today: 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-regulation-failure-part-4-8-tips-strengthen-willpower

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/procrastination-ten-things-know

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200909/ending-procrastination-right-now

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201109/procrastination-oops-where-did-the-day-go

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200308/procrastination-ten-things-know

 

Mindtools: 

http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newHTE_96.htm

 

The Procrastination DOOM LOOP 

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/08/the-procrastination-loop-and-how-to-break-it/379142/

 

Procrastination and the great Stanford Marshmallow experiment 

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/10/27/procrastination/

 

University of Cambridge 

http://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/leaflets/procrastination

 

Princeton

http://www.princeton.edu/mcgraw/library/for-students/avoiding-procrastination/procrastination.pdf

 

Procrastination and Your Heart

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/03/procrastination-is-not-great-for-your-heart.html

 

 

 

 

Structure Sunday: The Structure of a Hobby

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Who could have imagined that the love of horses could lead to so many good things. 

When I was a child, I was enamored of horses. I always asked my parents to let me have a pony ride at the fair. When my family moved into the beautiful Palos Verdes Peninsula in Southern California, horses became a major part of my world. You see, all the homes were situated around a network of riding trails and riding rings that were maintained by the city. Every house had a stable, and every family a rider or two. I got some riding lessons locally and really liked it. My parents and I decided this would be my sport and that we would pursue it as a family. 

I was accepted by an established trainer and he obtained a proper quarter horse. We trained until we were ready to show. It required about an hour and half drive out of town each way, and we did it at least four days per week. I did my homework in the car. When I arrived, I would train for several hours each time. It was dusty, intense and stressful, but I liked it nonetheless. Eventually I showed with my stable, all up and down the Pacific Coast in what was then called the Pacific Coast Hunter Jumper Stock Horse Association circuit.  It required a lot of time away from school which was hard. 

Riding has a way of building you up, no matter how hard it is. You learn tolerance: tolerance for your trainer, tolerance for your parents, and tolerance for your horse. You learn tolerance for the invariably bad weather, like intractable rain making muddy arenas, or broiling dusty heat in the Indio sun. You learn to control your fear and steel yourself as you wait to enter the competitors ring. Nowadays we call this distress tolerance. 

You learn to win, and you learn to lose. You are being trained, but at the same time you are training yourself. You have a chance to meet a great goal by meeting lesser ones along the way and you learn right away the winning takes a long long time and more work than you imagined.

I truly believe everybody should have a chance to pursue something seriously. I think all children especially should be raised knowing that they will be taught many things, and that when they find one that is special to them that they will be encouraged and even expected to learn it well. When young children attend classes for hobbies like ballet, music, riding or marital arts, or when they play sports like soccer or football, they learn that success requires practice over time. 

These traits of distress tolerance, perseverance, courage, and ability to work on a goal are key for success in life. I believe hobbies right from childhood foster these priceless traits. 

When I attended the horse show at Rebecca Farm today, I thought a lot about my horse show days. I was full of pride for all the riders and all they had accomplished. I hope you will go out and attend such sporting and arts events in your community. More than that, I hope parents will introduce their children to something inspiring they can pursue. 

For more information, see rebeccafarm.org. 

 

 
 

Structure Sunday: The Structure of Your Home Office

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Today's women have to do it all. Homemakers and professionals alike need a home office to do all that they need to do. Here are my tips for what goes into a home office, and what should take place there. 

I have also included some great resources about home offices. 

 

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Three setups tailored to your budget:

The Essentials:

  • A place to write and store your life management things. 
  • Day runner with addresses, calendar, and notes or smartphone with same features. 
  • Backup for your smartphone if you have one. ( ? cloud) 
  • Writing implements, pens, pencils, highlighters, markers 
  • Spiral notebook to centralize and keep notes ( instead of sticky notes everywhere)
  • A few sticky notes even so 
  • Filing box and files 

Nice to have: 

  • Laptop with internet access 
  • Software 
  • Spreadsheet like Excel for Windows or Numbers for Apple  
  • Word processor like Word for Window
  • Photo storage and processing software. 
  • Bulletin or marker board for ideas, art and planning 
  • Bookshelves 
  • File cabinet 
  • A decent camera

Deluxe: 

  • Printer/fax/scanner
  • Nice speakers
  • Nice headphones 
  • IOS device like ipad 
  • an extra monitor 
  • A good camera

 

Ideas for your home office schedule

 

At the beginning of your day...

  • Leave your home office alone. Get your health related things done first, like working out, bathing, and eating a healthy breakfast. 

 

 In your home office work time… 

  • Check your email twice per day. Don’t do it reflexively. 
  • Leave social media closed until tasks are finished. 
  • Add every new contact into your address book AS THEY COME IN.
  • Keep a spread sheet of your budget. 
  • Use accounting software like Mint, which is free, ibank, which is cheap, or Quicken, to keep your bank, loan and credit card accounts in order. 
  • Set up bills to pay automatically or put reminder notices in your calendar program. 
  • Store your photos digitally, and backup those and your other documents two ways, the cloud, and a cheap external hard drive. 
  • Work on your projects in sessions about 45-90 minutes long. Then get up and stretch and drink some fluids. 
  • Develop a system of file keeping. You may like Evernote which is free. You can organize anything into albums. In side the albums are notes where you can put text, documents, picture, sound, movies, links, or anything. 

 

At the end of the day

  • Review your calendar and plans for the next day. 
  • Chart any nutrition or fitness data that you are working with on a daily basis. Make sure the method is simple and fast. 

At the end of the week

  • Review your calendar and plans for the next week. 

 

Home offices can be a lot of fun. They are ground zero for domestic creativity. Think recipes, projects with kids, projects for the house, tracking that workout and budgeting for that vacation. Knowledge is power and organization will put it to work. 

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Food Friday: Fruit Stands and Farmer's Markets

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My dad and I didn't always get along. He was an old school businessman from the midwest and I was a California city girl. So much was off base. Nonetheless, I recall our trips to fruit stands with affection.

Whenever we drove out to the countryside in search of fruit stands with beautiful produce, everything became right. My dad had a childlike enthusiasm for such things. He would inspect everything that was set out, checking color and smell, and then speak earnestly to the farmers about the season and their particular varieties and cultivars. He would direct me to examine each astounding thing.

 He was particularly concerned with tomatoes. He could remember all their names, and was thrilled to see the varieties with unusual colors and dense sweet flesh. He liked nothing better than to slice the finest deep red ones onto a plate with a little salt. 

All this is brought back to me at this time of year, as I look forward to the farmer's market each week. I would encourage you to pack up and go. Bring some cash, some bags, a camera and the family.

Here are several great reasons to get out to the farmer's market: 

  • You will see what is being produced in your area. 
  • You will get the best tasting fruits and vegetables. 
  • You can get large quantities for "putting up" ,i.e. canning, freezing, and drying. These projects can be simple like applesauce, pickles or jam, or complicated like salsa, relish or chutney. They can be for your families' delight or for use as coveted gifts at the holidays. 
  • You can meet new people and see ones you already know. 
  • You can get gardening tips. 
  • You can find some unique gifts or get inspired to make your own. 
  • You can use your fancy stroller and wear a big hat. 

My dad made the acquaintance of an old Japanese man who sold a particularly fine dense large red tomato. He had brought it from afar, and developed it. It had no name. Late in my dad's life, he saved some seeds from this tomato and put them in an envelope scrawled with the following, " Gina, Hope these seeds produce. If so save some for me. " 

Many years later, after his passing, I found the envelope. I did not trust myself to grow them out, so I gave them to a neighbor who is very careful gardener. To our surprise they germinated and produced the lovely tomato. 

 

Food Friday: Picnics

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Did you know that picnics were once only for the very wealthy? Picnics evolved from outdoor hunting parties in the 14th century in Europe. Such elegant outdoor meals were depicted in artworks and tapestries dating back to the Middle Ages. Picnics themselves became entertainment for the wealthy from the Middle Ages, through the Renaissance, and then into the Victorian era. They epitomized the virtues of the wealthy classes, which extolled sport, social life, the beauty of nature, and elegance. In the Victorian era, picnics became especially popular and extended to the emerging middle classes. 

The Oxford English dictionary defines picnics thus: “Originally, a fashionable social entertainment in which each person contributed a share of the provisions; now a pleasure party including an excursion to some spot in the country where all partake of a repast out of doors; the participants may bring with them individually the viands and means of entertainment, or the whole may be provided by some one who “gives the picnic”. 

Today, picnics are far more casual, though they still retain the aspect of having a festive meal outdoors. In our country, we tend to have picnics primarily in the summer. This poses some risk, since in summer temperatures, food borne illness is more common. Here are some tips to avoid problems: 

Pack safely: 

  • Include materials to clean hands, with soap and water, sanitizer or wipes. 
  • Pack ice, clean utensils, plates, leftover containers, paper towels and trash bags. 
  • Pack cool food with ice packs to stay below 40 degrees. Open infrequently. Pack drinks in a separate cold cooler, since this drink cooler will be opened frequently. 
  • Carry coolers in an air conditioned car, not the trunk. 
  • If hot food is precooked, do not delay before finishing cooking on the grill. Any time lapse in-between is an invitation for bacterial growth. 
  • Cook hamburger and other meats to 160 degrees, and chicken to 165 degrees. 
  • Prevent cross contamination with drippings or marinades. 
  • Do not reuse marinades. 
  • Don’t serve on your prep platter.
  • Discard food if left out more than an hour at 90 degrees. 

Pack creatively: 

Consider some alternatives to traditional cuisine. 

Classic American picnic foods, as for Fourth of July 

  • fried chicken
  • hot dogs
  • macaroni, egg or potato salad
  • corn on the cob
  • iced tea, lemonade
  • apple pie 

French picnic foods, as for Bastille Day 

  • Baguettes and baguette sandwiches
  • pate foie de gras or tapenade 
  • Salade Nicoise 
  • Perrier Sparkling water 
  • macarons
  • mousse or pots de creme

Italian picnic food: 

  • salads: pasta, caprese, arugula
  • bruschetta with toast
  • limoncello soda 
  • layered torta or pizza 
  • salami, ricotta, fresh fruit 

Swedish picnic food for Midsummer celebration:

  • grilled marinated lamb
  • Gravlax
  • pickled herring with sauces 
  • seeded crispbread
  • cheesecake with berries 

 

If you don’t recognize the dishes, google them or search on Pinterest. You have some pleasant culinary surprises in store for you. 

 

References: 

Chow.com

Food Timeline 

Pamphlet: Pack a Family Picnic

Foodsafety.gov

Home Food Safety 

FDA

 

Structure Sunday: The Structure of a Weekend

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Did you know the the weekend as we know it is only about 100 years old ? I can't imagine life without the weekend. There is no natural correlate to the 7 day week. It is entirely man made and was probably designed in ancient Babylon. From there it was exported to the ancient Israelites and continued through the Jewish people through the idea of the Sabbath. 

 

However, it wasn't until 1908 in a car factory owned by Henry Ford, that Jewish and Christian cultures combined to give us the weekend. Before that time, workers would labor untold hours. Early labor rights were established after the French revolution, but even then their workweek was ten days on with one day off. Meanwhile in England, Sunday had evolved into the " Lord's Day" for rest and worship. 

In the late 1800s Europe was becoming more and more hostile to Jews. Immigration of Jews to America increased, and they entered the work force. Accordingly, the work force in Henry Ford's factory was composed of both Christians and Jews. The Christians took Sunday off, and the Jews observed Saturday as the Sabbath. To make everyone happy, the clever and diplomatic Mr. Ford created the two day weekend. Not only that, Mr. Ford popularized the weekend road trip... driving what ? You guessed it, his Model T. 

How did fewer working days effect commerce and productivity ? Somewhat paradoxically, research on the subject consistently shows that fewer work hours lead to greater productivity overall. Some say the sweet spot is a four day 8 hour work week, but that remains to be demonstrated. 

 

References: 

The Atlantic

American Public Media

 

Here is a rough version of what has been our ideal weekend routine: 

 

Friday evening: Dinner with family (with reference to the Jewish Sabbath)  something fun afterwards

Saturday morning: Catch up on sleep, brunch with family, outings, projects

Saturday evening: entertain 

Sunday Morning: brunch with family, clean house,  projects

Sunday evening: family dinner and get ready for the week

 

Here are some fantastic resources on having a great weekend: 

Lifehack

Reader's Digest

The Muse

Fast Company

Forbes

Entrepreneur

Pinterest 

Food Friday: Healthy Barbecue, Grilling, and Picnics.

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Everybody loves to play with fire, especially people who like good food and who don't want to be stuck in a hot kitchen in the summertime. 

Check out this comprehensive list of tips for barbecue, grilling and picnics and you will be the smartest flamethrower on the block. 

 

 

 

 

Grilling: 

  • 7000 people each year suffer grilling injuries. 
  • Read your grill's owner's manual. 
  • Use propane and charcoal grills outside only.
  • Use in a well ventilated area, away from combustible material and at least ten feet from a structure. 
  • Ensure the grill is stable. 
  • Do not move a hot grill. 
  • Have long handled cooking utensils.
  • Have fire extinguisher, baking soda, a bucket of sand, or water handy. 
  • For propane grills, check fittings to make sure they're tight. Check propane hose for gas leaks by applying soapy water and checking for bubbles. 
  • Never turn on a gas grill with the lid closed or you will risk explosion ! 
  • For charcoal grills, use a chimney or electric starter. Never add lighter fluid to a flame. 
  • Dispose of cool coals in a metal container. 
  • Keep younger children away from the grill. 
  • Never leave a grill unattended. 

 

Food Handling: 

  • Buy cold foods like meat and poultry last, when you are about to head for home. Bag them so liquids cannot contaminate other foods that will not be cooked. 
  • Wash hands with soap before handling food, and keep surfaces and utensils clean. 
  • Thaw in the refrigerator or the microwave NOT the counter. 
  • Keep raw food separate from cooked food. 
  • Marinate in the fridge, not on the counter. Poultry and cubed meat may marinate only 2d, other types 5 days. 
  • Trim fat to minimize hazardous flares and unhealthy charring. 
  • Consider precooking to shorten grilling times. 
  • Consider buying a food thermometer. They're inexpensive. 
  • Cook food thoroughly. 

Poultry 165 degrees

Ground red meat 160 degrees

Beef pork lamb and veal 145 degrees, and allow to rest three minutes. 

Reheat cooked meat like hot dogs to 165 degrees. 

  • Keep cold food cold and hot food hot. 
  • Don't let cooked foods sit out more than an hour if the temperature is greater than 90 degrees. 
  • Discard food left out more than 2 hours. 

 

Healthy Grilling recipes: 

Cooking Light 

Food Network

Eating Well

Fitness Magazine

Food and Wine 

Health

 

ENJOY ! 

 

References:

FDA Barbecue Basics

UDSA on food safety

National Fire Protection Safety Association 

 

Structure Sunday: The Structure of Summer

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Do you ever feel that summer comes and goes too quickly ? If you take some time and think about how you would like your summer to be, you could prevent this from happening again. You might actually make a summer wish list. Just make sure the things on your list are SMART. That is: 

SMART is an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time bound.

I remember thinking of summer as a vast expanse of relaxation, without the structure of the school year. I do think it is wonderful to have time set aside for doing absolutely nothing. But that is not a good way to knock things off your list. 

 

Need ideas for your list ? 

 

Create a summer reading list which must have some fiction and non-fiction. Check your local bookstore, Amazon.com, or Audible.com. Check you local library or the New York Times Bestsellers list. Check the Newberry and Caldecott award winners online for children's books. Check for the Hugo and Nebula awards for the best in science fiction. 

IMGP1351.JPG.jpg

Get out of doors with the family at least once per week. 

Keep a garden. You must grow something edible. 

Take a trip to the city. You must visit at least one museum. 

Take a trip to the countryside. You must visit one body of water. 

Make something, i.e. a table, or a pair of earrings. 

Learn something new, like French, gymnastics, or coding. 

Have friends over for dinner and board games. 

 

Summer is coming ! Don't miss it.