What is family and what does it do for us ? I have had a family focused type of weekend and I wanted to share some numbers and thoughts about the issue of family.

The nuclear family: Two parents and their children.
The blended family: which is remarried or re-partnered parents each with their own children under one roof.
The extended family: such as sisters, uncles, grandparents, and non relatives either living in the home or elsewhere.
The single parent family
The childless family.

Consider all these and more. Add in non married partners, good friends and neighbors. All these people bear on how we live, our health and our happiness.

Here are some illuminating data from census.gov.

About 50 years ago, 80 % of households included a married couple. Now this is down to 50 %. Some households are made up of non family members, and these are up from 10 % to about 33% in the same last 50 years.

Two parents households with children have decreased about 15%in the last 50 years to 70% of all households with children. About 25% of all household with children only have a mother. Father only households are up to about 4% of all households with children.

Among all households with or without children, a steady 30 % are childless. 10% of all households are single parent households with children. Households which are traditional, meaning married with children are half of what they were over about the last 50 years, going from 40 to 20 % .

Everyone knows the saying “ It takes a village.” I would like to point out that this is not just for kids. Adults, married, single or partnered, are happier and healthier if they have strong familial and friendship ties.

Through history, we have developed families, clans and tribes for surviving and thriving. We are wired for it. But in modern times, we are more likely to reach out to friends or coworkers. People sometimes forget to reach out to those closest to them, even those with whom they live.

I am writing to suggest that people look around and renew ties to those most near. I suggest that this include spouses and partners, children and others in the household, as well as old friends and even neighbors. These relations may not have the cachet of accomplished coworkers, but keeping these relationships healthy has deep benefits.

It helps us with continuity, and to know our personal history. It helps with feelings of stability, especially for children. Getting along with those closest to us is not really glamourous. But it make us flexible and empathetic. It grounds us.

Try starting with a phone call, email, or a card in the mail. Then, by all means, plan some sort of get together. The most important thing to remember is that it doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be perfect, and they don’t have to be perfect. The most important thing to do it to connect.

Childhood memories are an important part of who we are. It is up to parents to engineer varied and happy memories into their children's lives. This weekend we went down memory lane by virtue of hosting a wedding reception for the son of some of our closet friends. You would not think a wedding would focus a great deal on childhood memories. And yet, this weekend, it was a veritable memory fest. Of course there was the requisite slideshow of the childhood pictures of both bride and groom. But more than that, at the reception, clusters of conversations ensued, conversations between people who had done much together as children but little recently as adults.

My extended family is large and we ourselves have three grown children. But, and this is one major point of this post, we have so many friends who are like family. These are families we have known for 20 to 30 years, and whose children have grown up with ours. Back in the day, we gravitated toward them because they were good and interesting people. More than that, they were creative and adventurous, and despite the fact that we were college students of modest means, we had adventures: us, our kids, our friends and their kids. These people have stayed our good friends all this long while. It feels like a tribe, or the proverbial village, the village it takes to raise a child.

These adventures we had took time, planning and some wherewithal, but it all paid off in ways which we did not then entirely anticipate. Today we have grown kids who sit around the table and marvel at all they got to do as children. We look at old pictures and tell tales of glory. They know their experiences have shaped them. These children have grown to be inventive and resilient from their experiences. These are two of the greatest gifts a child can have. And now they are taking their kids out too.

It is fewer and fewer kids who have these experiences of rafting, camping, hiking or traveling for the sake of seeing a new place. I am writing to encourage you to find good people for your village. Find them and set off on adventures. You will have to take time off work, plan, get some gear, and maybe even learn a few new things. But that's all part of it. Go make some great memories for yourself and your children. You will get more out of it than you realize.